“Spiritual salvation is rooted in sexual happiness,” writes the author of the book Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.
I personally have sensed this is true for a while — that sexual awakening is spiritual awakening — but have been unsure how to snap out of my sexual slumber.
As a woman with a relatively high libido, I’ve never found a man who could keep up. Even as a polyamorous woman, who opened her relationship three years ago, admittedly for more sex, I have been unable to even come close to satiating my sexual hunger.
Ever since my first taste of a 10-minute, full-body orgasm almost two years ago, I’ve never been satisfied with anything less. In fact, I want more and more each time. Once I had 10 minutes, I wanted 20, then 30. I have friends who’ve ridden the rolling waves of orgasm for hours on end. Now I’m dying to see just how long I can go. Will I eventually go so far I’ll never come back or come back a different person?
My never-ending demands exhausted and annoyed both my life partner Brad and our old roommate Ben. Sometimes I thought I could spend 10 men in a row and still want more.
But my goal is not to suck men dry and toss them aside in the wake of my orgasmic ecstasy, it’s to take him there with me. But first, I need him take me there. I need him to want to take me there.
Recently I discovered why I’ve never found a man who wanted to.
The truth is, they did want to. They just couldn’t. They didn’t know how. They didn’t know the secret. So, they got frustrated and gave up. They wanted me to pretend they took me there, so as not to feel inadequate.
So, for a long time both my partner and I pretended, in denial that anything was missing. In denial that our love-life was a total disappointment and sham.
Until recently. So, here’s the key. Here’s the secret ingredient we were missing all these years. Are you ready for it?
Orgasm without ejaculation
For millennia we’ve been fooled into believing what authors of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy call the “mother of all lies” — that ejaculation and orgasm are one in the same — that for a man, the two are inseparable… that, in fact, male ejaculation is the climax, pinnacle and purpose of sex.
When you look at the religious commandment to “go forth and multiply” – a command that serves only those at the top of our economic pyramid scheme – you will understand why we’ve been indoctrinated into thinking ejaculation is the primary purpose of sex.
Throughout history religion has told us to avoid sex as much as possible except for procreation. Medieval Jewish philosopher Moses Maimonides admitted this was the purpose of circumcision – to disable sex to the point it would not be the central focus of our lives and distract us from working, but not to the point that we couldn’t procreate.
In addition to what Freud called the “symbolic castration” of circumcision, religions and governments have been effectively castrating men with bad sex advice.
After a while, someone must’ve realized that commanding men never to “spill their seed” — except during ovulation — wasn’t working. So instead, through Sex Inc., they started encouraging sexually repressed men to spill their seed (their life-force energy) as often as possible.
In other words, the sex industry, has essentially convinced men to ejaculate themselves to death – or at least to impotency – by telling them that orgasm is ejaculation, and that their manhood depends on how often they can do it.
Ejaculation kills
Husband and wife coauthors of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy David and Linda Howe believe compulsive ejaculation is single-handedly one of the largest sources sexual suffering and general misery on the planet.
Frequent, mindless ejaculation hurts us in two ways:
1. It makes men impotent and wreaks havoc on their general health.
2. It prevents both men and women from experiencing mind-altering, paradigm-shifting, life-changing orgasms.
A continual loss of sperm through repeated ejaculation in every act of sex robs the body of vitamins, minerals and enzymes and creates extreme hormonal deficiencies Howe says.
“Every organ pays heavy tribute to the glands that produce the sexual seed energy. The reproductive glands receive the essential elements of sexual energy from the blood. The blood withdraws the precious vitality of the life-force (Chi) from the organs and glands of the body, including the bone marrow, spinal fluid and brain … This is why constant sperm loss causes backache.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that men who ejaculate frequently, eventually ‘lose their minds’. The truth of this seems reasonable when we consider nearly twenty percent of male semen is cerebro-spinal fluid.
Medical science is quite aware that with every ejaculation, a man suffers a significant loss of zinc. This vitally important trace element is essential for mental health. Symptoms such as weak memory, depression, headaches, hyper-sensitivity to sunlight, etc., are aggravated by the continual loss of semen.“
Women are also affected by frequent ejaculation.
Impotence
Howe says the inability to keep a full erection for 1-3 hours, at any age, is symptomatic of an unnatural loss of potency. But because impotence is every man’s worst secret fear — and because the doctors who make the diagnoses are also impotent — the sex industry tells men they are fine as long as they can keep it up for 2 to 5 minutes.
They define premature ejaculation as ejaculating before or while entering a woman or after only “a few thrusts.”
Because the average man today lasts only 3.5 minutes, it is seen as the woman’s problem if she can’t orgasm in that amount of time.
Or, worse, some sexperts have come to the conclusion that women aren’t supposed to orgasm during intercourse, advising couples that foreplay is for her, intercourse is for him.
Sadly, no one realizes that the crux of the problem is that sex is supposed to last longer than 5 minutes, and the reason most men can’t make it past that benchmark is they are impotent from squandering their life-force energy in every act of sex.
Orgasm without ejaculation heals
While frequent ejaculation exhausts and degenerates a man, frequent orgasms without ejaculation (injaculation) can literally add years to his life.
Athletes are often forced to sign contracts saying they will not have sex before a game. The sports industry knows ejaculation depletes energy. If they only knew how to orgasm without ejaculation, Howe says athletes could actually enhance their performance exponentially.
If you don’t believe him, listen to this guy:
Then try it yourself. Go to the gym right after ejaculating and then learn to injaculate and go to the gym. Notice the difference in how much you can lift, how long you can run.
Not only does injaculation save lives, it saves relationships.
My partner Brad and I have only been practicing ejaculation control consistently for only a couple of weeks, and we can already see a 180 degree difference.
Instead of him feeling grumpy and tired after sex, and me frustrated and bitchy, I am walking around buzzing and glowing and vibrating, so happy to be alive. And sometimes he initiates another long round the next morning. (I used to have to beg him for sex more than once a week).
Not only is he ready to go at almost any time of day now, he’s affectionate and loving between sessions — winking at me, touching me, asking me for a hug or kiss. Anyone who knows us knows what a role reversal this is.
According to the Tao of Love masters, the reason a man who ejaculates too often withdraws from his partner is he subconsciously sees her as “stealing” his energy.
Cosmic orgasm
Howe says it is biologically impossible to gain what he calls “orgasmic genital gratification” or “sexual ecstasy” from short-lived ejaculatory orgasm.
Without physical satisfaction from sex there can be no emotional fulfillment, and without that, no sexual love, he says. And Osho says, without sexual love, it is nearly impossible to experience authentic agape love (unconditional, universal love).
“Real sexual fulfillment lies not in feeling the life energy escaping out of you — what the French call ‘petite sort’ or little death — but in increasing awareness of the orgasm energy that flows through the body, and cultivating it for prolonged and fulfilling sexual ecstasy,” Howe writes.
“The lengthy exchanges of passionate thrusting (1-2 hours) generate a sexual ecstasy that is so intense that it often leads to what feels like a spiritual awakening. This life-invigorating power is the fundamental bond of human love.”
Howe believes the majority of drug use in our culture — marijuana, Ecstasy, LSD, cocaine, heroin — is a substitute for satisfactory orgasms. Like orgasms, these drugs provide temporary feelings of cosmic inter-connectedness. Unlike lengthy, inward-flowing orgasms, they also cause hangover, negative personality changes and depleted energy levels.
Through the harmonious exchange of our essential life-force energies — yin and yang — we can experience “the ultimate transcendental orgasm — the marriage of female and male spirit,” Howe says.
How to do it
Ejaculation control is a feat of muscular strength and skill, Howe says. The goal is to retain the genital orgasmic pressure until it fills the entire body, rather than allowing it to escape through “mindless ejaculation.”
Here are his steps to becoming a Tao of Love master:
LEVEL 1: TOTAL BODY LOCK
*Steps 1-7 are performed simultaneously
1. When you sense ejaculation approaching, stop thrusting and squeeze the urogenital and pelvic floor muscles including the anal muscles, as if trying to stop the flow of urination. At the same time retreat so that only about one inch or so of your penis remains inside the vagina.
2. Flex all the “love muscles” with nine rapid contractions.
3. Take a deep breath and hold it in your lower abdomen.
4. Clench buttocks muscles
.
5. Arch your spine and swivel your hips forward, bending the vertebrae at the base of the spine towards your partner. ‘Grip’ the orgasm energy at the root of the penis, as if drawing it up the spine.
6. Clench teeth, press tongue to roof of mouth and flare the nostrils.
7. Clench the fists and roll the eyes upward, as if looking back into the brain.
8. Repeat. Do as many sets of nine contractions as are necessary to bring your ejaculation reflex under control.
9. Exhale and release the Total Body Lock. Relax the shoulders, chest and abdomen, but keep the root of the penis, the perineum and the anal muscles flexed until you feel sure you’re safe. Then relax completely. Breathe long and deeply.
10. Exchange loving affection.
11. Resume thrusting.
12. Pay attention to your breathing. Flare your nostrils and lightly clench your teeth at particularly erotic moments and breathe the pleasure down into your belly. Never hold your breath during a vigorous bout of thrusting.
15. Do it again and again. Don’t be surprised if as a beginner you have to perform the locking method twenty or thirty times in a love-making session of one to two hours.
16. Do not ejaculate before she climaxes. Everyone will make mistakes, but, don’t be tempted to race her to the finish line just because she’s moaning and groaning. A woman can moan and groan in ecstasy for twenty to forty minutes or more, before she actually climaxes.
LEVEL 2: PARTIAL LOCKING.
When the urge to ejaculate starts to ‘stir’, stop thrusting and perform the nine contractions of the lower pelvic area only. Once you’ve had plenty of practice, you will not need to clench your teeth and fists, etc., as you do in the Total Body Lock. You simply flex your love muscles when you feel you need to ‘heel’ your orgasm energy.
LEVEL 3. MIND CONTROL.
The more you practice, the more expert your ability to control the ejaculation reflex with your mind, and the greater your capacity to draw the healing power of orgasm energy into the body.
Regulating ejaculation frequency
The requirement for oriental sexual “gladiators” and the adepts of sexual yoga — who practiced dual cultivation of orgasm energy for attaining spiritual enlightenment — was no ejaculation for 100 days.
“Cultivating the elixir of immortality may not be everybody’s cup of tea. However, a man who has serious erectile disability – impotence, would do well to abide by this rule until he has regained his natural virility,” Howe says.
Many rules of thumb have been suggested, but most of them average out to ejaculating no more than twice a month or 24 times a year, while orgasming as frequently as possible.
Consider the advice of Su Nu — chief female Tao of Love advisor to Yellow Emperor Huang Ti:
“If a man loves once without losing his seminal energy, his vital essence is increased. If he loves twice without ejaculating, his brain is invigorated and he feels alert. Three times, his biological functions will begin to be healed of lethargy. The fourth time, his nerves will be strengthened and he will feel inner peace. The fifth time, the enlivened hormonal energy will unite with his blood. The sixth time, his genitals will gain new prowess. The seventh, his loins, buttocks and thighs will become more powerful. The eighth time he loves and retains his semen, his entire body will absorb orgasm energy and he will radiate good health. The ninth time, his youthful vitality and life-span will be increased. If ten times, he will be like an Immortal.”
If after ejaculating, you feel tired or depressed, it is a sure sign you should increase the interval between emissions, Howe says.
Regulating ejaculation enables a man to harness sufficient “bioelectrical sexual tension” to arouse female orgasm, he adds.
“The way of sexual ecstasy involves bringing the woman’s orgasm energy to between 90 and 99 percent of the point of climax (with your penis). Then pausing to allow her to perform the nine contractions, so she doesn’t boil over into outward flowing climax.
“It must be understood that because women are conditioned to rely on clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm … at first they will not yet feel the orgasm energy rising into their bodies and its intensity will die down quickly.
Soon, through the healing balm of regular long-lasting penetrative sex, you will discover the orgasmic intensity will not die down, but will remain at a high fever.”
“At first, you will want to crown these incredible sex sessions with a climax. But, after months and months of orgasmic genital gratification, the biological core of your sexual nature will be satiated and you will find you are no longer neurotically attached to outward flowing climax (genital orgasm), because you have discovered the true and lasting pleasure of sex.”
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Perhaps I missed something, but you initially write about not ejaculating and then you say you do ejaculate. I was with you 100% until you talked about ejaculating. Have I somehow missed your point?
Where does it say we ejaculate?