The Date

3 a.m., The Night Before The Date

IMG_7549Can’t sleep. So I’ll start where I left off.

While I was waiting for Brad to come out of the strip club a couple of nights ago, I messaged Kitty:

“I would be so thrilled if you’d let Brad take you out to a fancy dinner sometime! You’d be doing us both such a favor by helping Brad get his feet wet in the dating scene again.”

Surprisingly, without hesitation, she said she’d love to!

“Yes!” I shouted in my mind – baby sleeping – as if I’d just scored one for the team.

“That is so great!” I wrote back. “Really, don’t feel pressured to go if you don’t feel like it though! Don’t do it just for our sake. Only if you want to.”

I had a feeling she might’ve said yes just to be nice. Maybe she was like me and had a hard time rejecting people.

“Brad’s just extremely attracted to you, as a whole,” I blabbed on. “He said he really enjoyed talking to you! No strings attached or expectations!”

“I would totally love to go to dinner,” she repeated. “You guys are super duper awesome. We should all three hang out soon.”

“I’d love for us all to hang out together soon too, but I’d love for him to have at least one date with just you first.” I felt the need to explain.

“I want him to feel comfortable being himself and flirting, and all that, without me watching his every move and making him nervous. He hasn’t been on a butterflies-in-your-stomach date in a long time. He’ll be so excited to have another chance at it!”

Kitty said she thought it was awesome we were willing to “love without limits” and said she hoped she could find a relationship she was free to do that in someday.

Of course, Brad and I spent a good chunk of yesterday daydreaming about the possibilities – the potential outcomes of their date.

Kitty’s not the kind of girl Brad broke the ice with last week – not that there is anything wrong with that kind of girl. She is just as divine a human being as any other, just not currently available for more than a rare and brief union of flesh and spirit. I’m sure it was magical for them while it lasted, but chances are, we’ll never see her again.

Kitty is potential long-term material. I could tell she was a high-quality person from the time I met her. She’s honest, real, hard-working, kind, generous, independent, smart, open-minded, spiritually awake and a dedicated, loving mother. My daughter absolutely loves her kids and gets along with them better than most.

But I’m determined to have no expectations – just live in the moments, as they come, and see where they take us!

Even if they don’t take us too far into the future together, the beautiful thing about polyamory is there are no hard feelings necessary. We are free to love many people, in many different ways, for as much or as little time as they were meant to grace our lives.

8 a.m., The Morning of the Date

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” Brad asked when I got out of bed this morning. He’d read the above post from the middle of the night.

“Are you kidding?” I said. “Of course I do. When’s the last time you’ve seen me this happy?”

“I know,” Brad said. “I just don’t want your feelings to get hurt or you to change your mind.”

“Brad, I feel so alive right now. I’m waking up before the sun each morning. I know there’s a risk of getting hurt, but there’s no turning back now. I can’t go back to the known having experienced the adrenaline rush of the unknown. I’m so nervous, I couldn’t sleep half the night, and I love it!”

“I think you should buy her flowers.”

5 p.m., Evening of The Date

The date has been cancelled. Kitty is really sick.

Of course, I believe her, but it’s hard not to wonder if subconsciously she didn’t get sick from cold feet.

I’ll stay hopeful and optimistic that we didn’t scare her off, but man, this polyamorous dating stuff is not as easy as they make it look on TV.


  1. I’m curious as to the reason you set the date up for him? Is that what you both agreed on, and if so, will he set up your dates with men? Or is it simply that you know “Kitty” better and it seemed the best solution?

    • I didn’t pick her out for him. I knew he really liked her. Since she was my friend first, I thought she’d be more receptive to the invitation if it came from me. It was sort of my way of saying “you have my blessing.”

      If he’d met her first, I’d have stayed out of it : )

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