I’m tempted to take this whirlwind of energy we’ve created and go ride the wave a little longer, until I’m literally howling at the moon.
But I’m harnessing it and redirecting it into this post for your benefit… for our benefit.
I spent almost a year trying to grow and monetize this blog. It didn’t work. The universe kept putting road blocks in my way, as if to say: “That’s not the point… I have an important message I want to share through you, and it’s a free gift. Don’t expect anything in return. Being a vessel through which the gift is given and received is enough. Don’t fear for your life. Don’t worry where your next meal will come from. Don’t worry about what you will wear or where you will sleep.”
So I gave up on that ambition a few days ago. I gave up on trying to find advertisers who wouldn’t try to hijack and dilute my message. I gave up on begging readers to buy my wares on Patreon. In fact, I don’t want any money for this blog at all. I want it to be my free gift, to the universe.
And I trust that the universe will give me exactly what I need and so much more – not in return, not in exchange – but, as a free gift, because it does that. It’s always has and always will. Not because I deserve it, or don’t deserve it. Because it Loves me, and delights in Giving to me.
My friend was right. After a certain undetermined number of orgasms, sex isn’t just sex anymore. It transcends physical pleasure, and becomes spiritual ecstasy. It takes you to new worlds, new realms. It takes you here, now.
Since I set out on my 33-day self-love journey (“masturbation challenge” now seems too coarse a phrase) – which I’m now on Day 23 of – I kept asking myself the same question – who is better equipped to “meet my sexual needs” – me or someone else? In other words, can I take myself to the places I want to go – the spiritual heights I want to reach – or do I need someone else to help me get there?
And I’m finding the answer is both.
I need me and other people. I needed first to love myself. And that love invited the love of a man. And that love invited the love of another man. And that love invited me to love myself more, which inspired the original man to love me more, and so on and so on.
It’s a spiral. Life is a spiral. Different people keep pushing me to higher and higher heights, and I keep pulling them up higher with me. And as I ascend, I wonder “Have I been here before? I must’ve been here before. It all seems so familiar.”
It’s as if I’m about to return to the Garden of Eden, but this time I’m going to stay. I hope and pray I don’t have to go through another 10,000 years of hell to get back to this place in the Garden… the untamed Garden that grew on it’s own, out of Earth’s bounty, with no tilling or toiling.
But somehow, I fear when I reach the top, I’ll eventually come sliding back down to the depths again. But Love knows no fear. There are only two emotions – Love and fear. And fear is just an illusion, right? A shadow of love? Just like darkness is the absence of light, and cold the absence of heat? So next time I won’t fear the fall. As Above, so Below, they say, right?
Here’s a little poem I wrote while riding the wave down from its highest peak today:
I Create the world. I Destroy the world.
I Birth it. I Devour it.
I am Yin. I am Yang.
I am Male. I am Female.
I am Gog. I am Magog.
I am Love. I am Hate.
I am Life. I am Death.
I am Me. I am You.
I am Complete. I am Incomplete.
We are the same.