Writer and escort Ava Kingson says 75 percent of her clients are married and haven’t had sex for an average of three years. By offering her body as a vessel for them to “blow off steam” she believes she’s helping preserve marriages that – other than their lack of sex – are happy, healthy relationships.
A college-educated, intelligent 30-year-old woman with a day job in finance, she decided to sell sex for money a little over a year ago. She thought of it as “an exciting adventure” that would allow her to have all the no-strings-attached sex she wanted, while helping her pay off student loans.
Kingson – her pen name – recently wrote the first in a series of fictional e-books based on her experiences, called Silhouette, which you can purchase on Amazon for just 99 cents:
Her book gives readers a behind-the-scenes peek at the life of a sex worker who, for the most part, loves her job. It begins in the middle of a scene with what she describes as a typical client – an older, balding man with “a bit of a tummy” who puts a good chunk of the time he’s paying for into proving he can still please a woman.
Saving sexless marriages
While she does get a few younger, single guys looking for a little fun with no ties – and businessmen taking her on exotic trips to Spain – the vast majority of her clients are middle-aged married men.
“A lot of them say ‘life is too short, I just want to have a good time.'” Kingson said in an interview with Polyamory Diaries. “They love their kids and their family and their wives. They just want that danger, that spark – the thrill.”
While some of her clients struggle momentarily with guilt, she thinks, in the end, most of them feel better.
“When someone tells me – ‘my wife is sick and I just needed to let some steam off… I just needed to feel human touch’ – to me, they’re helping themselves, and I honestly believe they’re helping their marriages,” Kingson said.
Almost as much as the sex itself, her clients appreciate spending time with someone who accepts them as they are and doesn’t judge, she says.
Because of her experiences, Kingson said if she ever ends up in a long-term relationship again, she’d be adamant that it be an open one – “like ‘if you’re not getting everything you need out of this – out of me, out of us – then I would encourage you to look elsewhere to fulfill that, because… we’re human, we need that. It’s essential to our existence. It’s so important to our mental and physical health… and it really grates on people… You know if you’re married to someone for 10 or 20 years and you haven’t had sex in five years, that’s nuts!”
Lack of sex is not the only reason married men pay for visits with Ava. Sometimes they just want to experiment and try new things.
“Maybe a man is too afraid to ask his wife ‘hey, I’d like a finger in my ass’ or something,” Kingson said. “They feel embarrassed to ask the mother of their children – ‘hey can you do this thing for me?’”
The ‘unnaturalness’ of monogamy
While most of her friends are getting married and having kids, Kingson said she has zero interest in settling down:
“I’m sort of going the opposite way. I’m getting older and even more comfortable with my body and sexuality. I want to experiment and experience it with more than one person. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to be in a relationship, but I want to have all the sex.”
So why not get paid for it?
Kingson charges clients $300 an hour for her time, which she’s found is a happy medium that attracts an amicable clientele. Escorting for various demographics has been an “interesting sociological test,” she said. Her richest customers have been some of her worst, as they often are rude, have a sense of entitlement and are bad in bed.
But her average customers are “very respectful” and “complete gentleman.”
“It’s cute. They’ll bring flowers or chocolate or candy – like they’re on a high school date … I really enjoy being with these men. I enjoy our time together. It’s all the best parts of a date.”
But conventional dating is not something Kingson “believes in,” calling it an extended interview for marriage, which she definitely does not want.
“The older I get, the less marriage and monogamy makes sense to me,” she said.
She’s had long-term monogamous relationships in the past, but said she gets bored easily. “Even in the most loving relationships, someone’s eye always turned. Someone cheated.”
“Monogamy, to me, is a lie. I think it’s healthy to want to be with other people.”
The ‘polyamorous’ prostitute
After several failed monogamous relationships, Kingson started reading books on polyamory, and decided she wanted to try it.
“I’ve always been a champion for open relationships, I just didn’t know it,” she said.
But she discovered polyamory could be just as riddled with rules and controls as monogamy and decided not to adopt the label. Though she probably wouldn’t adhere to this label either, her philosophy sounds a lot like relationship anarchy.
“I’m never looking for love or a relationship,” Kingson said. “If I meet a person and we connect, and we have sex, and we hang out for a couple weeks, or years, that’s great! But I’m all for letting human relationships run their course. You come into each others’ lives, you experience things together and learn things together and then the energy moves away.”
When people try to force the sexual energy to stay – to force a connection that’s no longer there – is when people start getting hurt, she said.
“I don’t exactly believe in love. But sex… Sex is something I’ll always believe in,” she writes in her book.
But in our interview Kingson clarified that she’s not a “heartless bitch” and that she does actually believe in love – “I have experienced it on the fullest scale, and it can be one of the most incredible experiences you ever have… But I think what a lot of people feel is an addiction and they mistake it for love. And that can be dangerous. It can lead to things like beating your girlfriend, because you think you own her and are jealous.”
Osho: “Prostitution’s not the problem, marriage is”
Kingson is not the first person to claim prostitution is saving marriages. Decades ago, my favorite guru Osho argued that the concept of traditional, monogamous marriage arose out of the concept of private property and women as property. He argued marriage is unnatural and that prostitution is the natural byproduct:
“What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife? One is a temporary arrangement, the other is a little more permanent. Marriage is a permanent kind of prostitution; deep down, it is not different. Hence, marriage and prostitution have both existed together.
If you go into it, it is marriage that has created prostitution. And prostitution will never disappear from the world unless marriage disappears; it is the shadow of marriage. In fact prostitutes have been saving marriage. It is a safety measure so the man can go once in a while, just for a change, to any other woman, a prostitute, and save his marriage and its permanency.
That’s what has been done down the ages. The prostitute was there to save you and your marriage. So whenever your marriage is on the rocks you can always go to the prostitute. Whenever you are bored with your woman, tired of her, just to be refreshed, you can go to the prostitute and things will start flowing again with your own woman. The prostitute was a kind of holiday.
People think prostitution is against marriage, they are utterly wrong … If prostitution is stopped, marriages will start falling apart. The prostitute is like glue, she helps you to remain un-bored with your woman.”