Conversation with a friend.
Gabriel: There’s definitely a sexual hierarchy among men.
Sara: I want to do away with the hierarchy and competition. I don’t think masculine has to mean competitive.
Gabriel: That’s impossible — we’re not all equally attractive
Women reproduce more successfully than men, as Dr. Peterson said.
Sara: Reproduction is not success in my book.
Gabriel: You’re a woman. Women can kind of take baseline sexual desirability for granted, men can’t do that.
Sara: Baseline desirability?
Gabriel: Women don’t want me like men want the average woman. If we’re talking about sex, not even close.
Sara: You’re making assumptions I don’t think are true.
You know what I hypothesized this morning?
Sara: Women don’t put out for two main reasons.
Gabriel: They’re not attracted to most men like that.
1. They aren’t getting what they want out of sex. Sex isn’t satisfying for three main reasons, in no particular order – lack of male stamina and potency, lack of foreskin, lack of novelty/passion.
2. If they aren’t getting satisfaction out of sex, they might as well get something out of it – power. The power of withholding. They want it as much as men on average, but have learned that they can gain power, and market value, by withholding.
Gabriel: Men know women like withholding and lying about their interest level, while fucking the men they really want on the side.
Sara: Their experiences with men have been disappointing so the attraction and desire goes away.
So yes, they fuck other men on the side, become lesbians, or settle for ice cream and bon bons.
But why do they really want the guy on the side and not the primary?
Because the primary can’t take them to new heights of ecstasy… and not many side guys can either.
Gabriel: Women getting side guys is so common. It’s why poly won’t take off — guy has better body, might be better in bed, etc.
Sara: Trust me. I’ve had like five “side guys” besides Ben. None of them were doing it for me… and Ben didn’t do it for me for very long… before he lost his sexual energy… and came to resent me for it.
If he hadn’t done that, who knows, I might have run away with him.
Seriously, this is straight talk.
Gabriel: I’m aware of that, but you found him. I’ve been rejected by more women than you’ll probably talk to in your life, and then there’s science — that’s all I’m basing this on.
Sara: Ben wore out and wasn’t willing to learn to save his energy. Brad is devoted and willing to learn tantra… that’s why I’m with him.
Gabriel: Not surprised he wasn’t interested. He doesn’t seem the type.
Sara: He’s emotionally immature.
The only thing he had going for him was a long slender penis (without a foreskin, thick penises are painful for me), a partially restored foreskin, and physical fitness and youth, which gave him stamina during the handful of times per year he felt like sharing himself with me.
Gabriel: Hey that can get him pretty far if he’s smart, lol.
Many women will give him a shot because of his body.
Sara: He was usually the one withholding, because he saw what kind of power he held over me by bringing me to the edge of ecstasy and leaving me hanging on it.
He’s never initiated sex in his life. He makes the women initiate.
He’s a narcissist… too afraid of rejection, so he refuses to put himself in a vulnerable position.
Gabriel: That’s what women make men do, what’s the problem?
Sara: It’s not a game… shouldn’t be happening on either side.
Gabriel: Women don’t come after me, why shouldn’t they go after Ben?
Sara: They don’t very often. He’s only been with four women. Number 3 was me, and number 4 was thanks to me setting him up.
Gabriel: It’s definitely a game and there’s definitely winners and losers and people in the middle.
Sara: I don’t play games. Not that I’m aware of consciously anyway.
Gabriel: As woman you have no dog in this fight. Among men sexual success variance is far more extreme.
Sara: My sexual success outcomes (and those of many women I know) haven’t been very high either… it depends on how you define success.
Gabriel: Like Lindsay can get 20-40x more dick than I can get pussy or even a first date, there’s no comparison.
Sara: She can only do that because other women are denying themselves sexual satisfaction in order to gain market value while she’s giving it up for free.
But the bottom line is how you define sexual success. How do you define it?
Gabriel: You’re barely trying to find it compared to me, you didn’t send out 20 messages on OkCupid and get like three responses. You don’t have to hunt and get ignored like I do. It’s like a part time job.
Sara: I AM trying to find it! I just define it differently from you! Sexual success for a woman (or most women I know) is not how many guys we can bang in a year. It’s how long, and how deep, of an orgasm we can have.
Gabriel: I have to get rejected way, way more to get the same opportunities.
Sara: I personally know women who’ve given up on men and resorted to other women to give them 8 hours straight of rolling, other-worldly orgasms.
I’m saying you wouldn’t need that many “opportunities” if you could rock a woman’s world all night.
Gabriel: That’s probably true. Chicken and egg.
Sara: You’d only need one shot and the woman would be at your door begging for more, telling her friends about you, if she were poly.
Gabriel: Yeah I’m definitely too worn out to do that these days— its why I don’t try to mess around much — still don’t think you get the male predicament.
Sara: Too worn out to do what? Have sex for a couple of hours straight? Give her multi-hour orgasms with your hands?
Gabriel: Absolutely too tired for that.
Sara: Well that’s why you’re not getting women.
Like my friend said, women can smell when you’re sexual energy is high — they can smell the testosterone or something.
I’m giving you straight talk.
I’m not expecting you to “get stamina” overnight.
Ben had more physical stamina than I had, but I had more sexual stamina. He had to work hard to last. The woman can always outlast the man.
You’re worn out from working, Gabriel… that’s not your fault.
Gabriel: I have no delusions about how attractive I am.
Sara: You’re very attractive.
I would fuck you in an instant if it weren’t a sensitive time for Brad.
I would fuck you and fuck you and fuck you, as long as you did your best not to ejaculate… as long as it was causing you to gain energy and not lose it.
Gabriel: Haha. Wait until I can sleep normally.