June 11, 2016
Ladies…I am going to have to delete what I share in this thread and you all are going to have to save, so it can be published in the bootleg version of Polyamory Diaries.
So… There’s some kind of sex magick going on between Ben and I.
It’s happening with Brad too, but in a different way.
The kind that’s happening with Brad is the kind we’ve invested 6 years of WORK into… like it was like pulling teeth to get Brad to agree to come even this far into sexual awakening with me.
The kind that’s happening with Ben is effortless.
Each have their own value, in a way: The sexual enlightenment that is worked for, and the sexual enlightenment that just hits you, spontaneously.
Anyway… I don’t know what to do about it… need your advice…
How do I continue to pursue this natural soul-mate-as-far-as-sexual-chemistry-goes (Brad feels more like my soul mate as far as best friend energy goes) connection with Ben without hurting or losing Brad?
I want to go deeper into my sexual/spiritual awakening with both of them… I don’t want Brad to be left out of the journey… I want to go on this journey with Brad AT LEAST AS MUCH OR MORE than I want to go on it with Ben, because the depth and history of my love for Brad, whereas I have more of a holy-shit-I’m-on-fire-carnal connection with Ben.
But… I feel like we (Brad and I) need Ben to help show us how to get where we are going.
See what I’m saying? I want to go on this sexual journey with both of them, but don’t want to hurt either of them…
I believe part of the reason each of them are scared to go deeper with me sexually is that they might become somewhat dependent on me emotionally/spiritually and then lose me to the other.