The Awakening

“Just breathe – focus on yourself,” she whispered in my ear as she slowly massaged her way from my lower back to my shoulders. I’d been worried Brad might feel neglected. He sat between my legs on the grass, and I sat between hers.  I considered rubbing his back while she rubbed mine, but had … [Read more…]

Casual Sex

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what I want out of polyamory. I think I’ve gotten one step closer by ruling out one thing I don’t want – casual sex. With my new “sex positive” outlook on life, it was hard for me to determine exactly what it was about … [Read more…]

The Future

People keep asking what I want out of potential new relationships – where I want them to go. I have no idea, I answer. They seem disappointed. I’m not sure what they want me to say, but it seems like they want something specific like – “I’m looking for a one night stand” or “I’m … [Read more…]

The Moment

“What if being polyamorous makes us realize we want to be monogamous?” Brad asked me the other day. “Then I’ll consider it a success.” I said. The fact is, I’ll consider our journey into polyamory a success no matter where it takes us. I went on my first date since Brad the other night. It … [Read more…]

The Reason

“You’re going to bed already?” I complained, as I prepared to read our 3-year-old a bedtime story across the hall. It was my not-so-veiled solicitation for sex. I was nearing ovulation and in the mood. I knew Brad was rarely in the mood at nighttime – unlike me, he’s a morning person – but I … [Read more…]

The Make-Up

I was afraid this entry might be titled “The Breakup.” But what was one of our most painful fights ended up bringing us closer. After ignoring Brad for two days, we finally sat down and talked. He told me he hadn’t meant the things he’d said the day of our fight — “maybe we don’t … [Read more…]

The Fight

Brad and I aren’t speaking right now. He told me this morning he’s not in love with me. He just told me he “really does love me” last week, so I don’t know which one is a lie. Regardless, I’ve spent all afternoon searching for a job. Even if he changes his mind again tomorrow, … [Read more…]

The Fear

I spent the last hour or so lying next to Brad, face nuzzled into his back, arms wrapped as tightly around his chest as I could hold them. He resisted at first, but after I produced a few tears and sniffles, he gave in and let me have my way. I needed it. I know … [Read more…]

The Wait

First, an update on Brad’s date with Kitty – it’s been rescheduled for tonight! It won’t be at a fancy restaurant, as he’d planned, because he has to work. Instead, he’ll be preparing her “the best meal of her life” on his food truck. After that, they’ll probably grab a few beers at the brewery … [Read more…]

The Date

3 a.m., The Night Before The Date Can’t sleep. So I’ll start where I left off. While I was waiting for Brad to come out of the strip club a couple of nights ago, I messaged Kitty: “I would be so thrilled if you’d let Brad take you out to a fancy dinner sometime! You’d … [Read more…]