Marriage is Codependence

My boyfriend – Brad – came across this article recently about how to restore passion to your marriage by overcoming codependency. He seemed excited about it, as if it could be the solution to all of our problems. Interdependence – not codependence – is the key to a happy, lasting marriage, says the psychologist author … [Read more…]

New Relationship Energy and Slut Shaming

Elated, ashamed, ecstatic, depressed, blissful, afraid… I felt all of those emotions almost simultaneously when I woke up in another man’s arms yesterday morning. Yes, it happened. The deed is done. I had sex with another man. It was so much more than that, but that seems to be all our culture cares about – … [Read more…]

And it Begins…

A Kindred Spirit After about a month of ignoring them, I decided to check my OkCupid messages. I was feeling antsy and craving a new connection. Not expecting to find anything worthwhile, I sifted through the “heys” and “what’s ups” and “well, hello theres”… Just as I was about to give up, I opened one … [Read more…]

The Death of Marriage

I have to admit, even Brad and I suffered from short bouts of wedding fever when we first met. Shortly after we started dating, he left town for an old friend’s wedding. He called me drunk during the reception and started ranting about how much cooler his wedding was going to be someday. “I’m going … [Read more…]

The Awakening

“Just breathe – focus on yourself,” she whispered in my ear as she slowly massaged her way from my lower back to my shoulders. I’d been worried Brad might feel neglected. He sat between my legs on the grass, and I sat between hers.  I considered rubbing his back while she rubbed mine, but had … [Read more…]

Casual Sex

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what I want out of polyamory. I think I’ve gotten one step closer by ruling out one thing I don’t want – casual sex. With my new “sex positive” outlook on life, it was hard for me to determine exactly what it was about … [Read more…]

The Future

People keep asking what I want out of potential new relationships – where I want them to go. I have no idea, I answer. They seem disappointed. I’m not sure what they want me to say, but it seems like they want something specific like – “I’m looking for a one night stand” or “I’m … [Read more…]

The Moment

“What if being polyamorous makes us realize we want to be monogamous?” Brad asked me the other day. “Then I’ll consider it a success.” I said. The fact is, I’ll consider our journey into polyamory a success no matter where it takes us. I went on my first date since Brad the other night. It … [Read more…]

The Reason

“You’re going to bed already?” I complained, as I prepared to read our 3-year-old a bedtime story across the hall. It was my not-so-veiled solicitation for sex. I was nearing ovulation and in the mood. I knew Brad was rarely in the mood at nighttime – unlike me, he’s a morning person – but I … [Read more…]

The Make-Up

I was afraid this entry might be titled “The Breakup.” But what was one of our most painful fights ended up bringing us closer. After ignoring Brad for two days, we finally sat down and talked. He told me he hadn’t meant the things he’d said the day of our fight — “maybe we don’t … [Read more…]