Noon, April 24
Brad and I are in an extremely rough patch today. He had the best sex of his life (three times in a row) with a new woman this weekend, while I simultaneously had the best sex of my life (three times in a row) with Ben.
He tried denying it was the “best of his life” during my emotional breakdown this morning, but proudly announced it was the “best of his life” the morning after it happened, and went around the house singing “oooohhh… what a lucky man he was…” all day.
Logically, there is no reason for me to be angry with him for this… no more than he had reason to be angry at me in the past, when I admitted sex with Ben was the most passionate I’d ever had.
Logically, we both know that no one has control over their feelings or their level of sexual chemistry with someone. I didn’t do anything wrong by having strong sexual chemistry with his friend Ben, and he hasn’t done anything wrong by discovering he has strong sexual chemistry with “Nina” – a friend of mine, whom I brought into his life.
Chemistry is a complicated thing – a concoction of delicately balanced of ingredients. Two of the strongest ingredients, I think, are novelty and taboo… but, there are other more subtle and nuanced ingredients that must match up for an explosive sexual connection.
Whatever the necessary ingredients are, Brad and I have never had them.
And maybe that’s a good thing… because I think for this highly charged, electric sexual connection to happen, the people involved have to be highly “polarized,” as Teal Swan puts it. And those kinds of relationships never last long.
I want both the short-term erotic, fiery, tumultuous relationships and the long-term safe, highly-compatible-as-friends-and-life-partners relationship(s).
3 am, April 25
Can’t sleep. Freaking out. I spent the last hour on the edge of the bed, barricading Brad between myself and my daughter – my arms wrapped tightly around him making sure no one would come and take him away.
Sure, I had the most passionate sex of my life with Ben a few nights ago, and like Brad said, I should just be happy about that. But it’s no consolation for the terror I’m experiencing now.
Not only do I sense Brad could fall madly in love with Nina, the way I did with Ben a year and a half ago, I also sense that she could fall madly in love with Brad… and now I have reason to believe she could even leave her husband, not necessarily “for Brad,” but as a result of our “threesome” last weekend.
She confessed to me weeks ago that she’s not in love with her life partner (who’s twice her age, wealthy and comes across more as a father figure than a husband) anymore. After a big fight, she told him she wanted to end the sexual part of their relationship and just be co-parents.
Fast forward to this weekend – he’s out of town on a business trip and she ends up in our bed.
She initiated the whole thing. Brad and I were totally caught off guard. She was like a starving woman, asking the only friends who wouldn’t judge her to satiate her sexual hunger.
She had been flirting with me for months, gleefully confessing her bisexuality after I explained our polyamorous lifestyle. She said one of the things she regretted about landing in a monogamous relationship with her “baby (sugar) daddy” was her unexplored sexual attraction to women. Like many women, she had male-related sexual trauma and had trouble getting turned on by men.
So Saturday night, after the kids fell asleep, she insisted we girls go in the bedroom and give each other massages. After a while, Brad asked if he could join.
Then Ben got home with our Chinese takeout. I went out and prepared a big bowl for Nina and I to share. When I brought it back in, she grabbed it out of my hands and, almost aggressively, started kissing me.
What remained of our clothing came off and we proceeded to the bed. I felt a little awkward and unprepared, but it was no longer my first rodeo with a woman.
I still haven’t written about the time one of my best friends from Raleigh — Amy — and her boyfriend came to visit a couple of months ago, because I was too caught up in the aftermath of Brad and I almost breaking up. But we had a foursome, which was amazing, though a little awkward and forced at first like it was with Nina.
My favorite part about it was how it didn’t ruin our friendship. We all went back to being totally normal friends the next day and had another visit from her a couple of weeks later with no sex and no awkwardness.
My first encounter with a woman — June — was far more dramatic, romantic and passionate. It took us a long time to look each other in the eyes afterward. And for a while we stopped hanging out. I think she wanted to make it clear that her real passion was the new man in her life and that the threesome experience with me and Brad didn’t mean as much to her as it did to me. Still, there has been an undertone of romance to our friendship ever since.
Back to Saturday. Our initially awkward kissing turned into caressing of breasts and frenzied fingering of vaginas. She and I are both Scorpios, so even if we weren’t the perfect match, it wasn’t hard for either of us to get turned on.
After a few minutes, she paused and told Brad she didn’t mind if he watched, or engaged with me, but said she didn’t want to engage with him because she was still struggling with masculine energy.
So he lay beside us pleasuring himself while Nina attempted to prove she could outlast any man’s penis with her fingers. I could tell Brad was going crazy, so I pulled him over and popped his penis in my mouth. She watched curiously, without letting up on her work below.
Eventually she invited Brad to enter me from behind while she worked on my clitoris. Then we all decided we needed a water break.
I ran into Ben in the kitchen and could tell he was wildly jealous.
I returned with the water to find Nina and Brad intertwined and Nina asking for condoms. Whoa, wasn’t expecting that.
Upon retrieving them, I asked if Nina would mind Ben joining us. She said she wasn’t comfortable with it and suggested I go be with him in the other room.
“How do you feel about that Brad?” I asked, knowing the last time I had sex with Ben was almost the nail in the coffin for he and I. “Great!” he said eagerly.
Elated, I invited myself into Ben’s bed, where he offered me more passion and energy than ever before.
When we were done, I instinctually scampered back to my bedroom to check on Brad. I’ve never slept in Ben’s bed for more than 45 minutes or so and was anxious to sleep next to my best friend, as I do every night. I was a little annoyed by the fact that Nina might be sharing the bed with us, but figured it would be fine as long as Brad was in the middle.
To my delight and dismay, I walked in on her giving him a ferocious blow job.
“Please be honest,” I said to her, offering something I didn’t really want to give. “How are you feeling? Would you prefer for me to sleep in Ben’s bed tonight and leave you two alone in here?”
She coyly nodded her head and said yes.
“Okaaay,” I said, forcing myself to sound happy for them. “You two have fun!”
I was consoled by Ben’s erection when I crawled back into his bed.
“Again!?!? You’re ready to go again, already?!” I said, amazed. It was both the best and worst night of my life at the same time.
After no sleep and a third romp in the morning I went in the guest room to check on the kids. I wanted to go lie down with Brad, but could hear he and Nina were on their third round too.
Then, the unimaginable happened. Just as the girls were waking up and Brad was burying his face in between Nina’s legs, Nina’s “husband” showed up. He knew something was up and had driven all night to investigate.
“Where’s Nina?” he asked, when I met him in the hallway.
“Um… let me find her,” I answered pathetically.
I knocked on my locked bedroom door. Brad hid in the closet while she got dressed. After a few tears and hushed words in the kitchen, he gathered her and their child into his Mercedes and they disappeared.
It was dramatic and semi-traumatic for all of us, but Brad still couldn’t stop smiling all day.
Today, Nina’s been calling and texting me in secret all day. Her “husband” has forbidden her from speaking to me, so she had to hang up suddenly every time he came around.
At first she told him only about having sex with me, which he seemed ok with, until he finally asked where Brad was the whole time. Testing the waters, she told him that he watched for a while. He freaked out, so she told him, “but I didn’t let him touch, only watch.”
Now he’s making her choose – get married, fully commit to monogamy and “their relationship” and never speak to me again, or sell the house and split up.
She said she doesn’t want to break up their family, but feels miserable at the thought of being “locked up inside of herself” with him.
Knowing that his anger turned slightly violent recently and perceiving it could happen again, I told her she was welcome to stay here if she needed space to think. She said that would be the nail in the coffin with her “husband.” So if she came at all, she might have to stay longer.
I reluctantly told her we’d be glad for her to stay longer.
Our conversation got cut short because he came home again, but I have a sinking feeling she might take me up on the offer sometime in the next few days.
She told me she was so surprised by how strong the sexual energy was between her and Brad and that she’d never had that with a man. I told her it was the most passionate sexual experience he’s had too, and she begged me “not to tell her that right now.”
So now, here I am, sitting in the bed I made and freaking out.
While part of me is thrilled for Brad that he’s finally experienced the sexual passion he’s missed out on most of his life – and also relieved that he might be more understanding of mine and Ben’s connection – the other part of me is in sheer terror at the potential idea of Brad having another girlfriend, especially a former model that is even more demanding and “Scorpio” than I am, not to mention Latina!
Brad and I were so happy with our plan of hitting the road together in a new camper trailer once the food truck sold. I was so looking forward to working less and having time to connect with him on a deeper level… he even said he wanted to learn tantra with me.
And now all our plans are on hold. Everything could be turned up-side-down by this crazy-curve-ball-of-a-woman who just threw herself into our lives (not to deny responsibility for attracting her.)
April 25, noon
Good news… Brad just called and said he still wants to stick to our plan of traveling the country in a camper van for a year! Said he’s not going to change his entire life course for an unavailable crush… whew.
April 25, 6:30 pm
Great! (sarcasm) I finally cut out some time for Brad and I to connect sexually at 5:30 today — 3 days after he had the best sex of his life with another woman — and then fucking Nina calls right as our hour-long time slot begins. As if she didn’t talk to him long enough this morning. I left him alone to talk for about 20 minutes, then returned with a death glare before getting myself off on the bed next to him. After that I left him again and sat outside the door listening to them flirt for another 2o minutes. By the time he hung up the phone at 6:30, our window of opportunity was over. Our daughter’s screen time is over and she’s hungry and in need of attention.
So fucking pissed. I’ve been telling him for the last three days how important it is to me for us to connect, especially sexually, after he connects with someone new, especially with someone he has such a strong sexual connection with.
April 25, 6:45
Whew… good news… well for me anyway… she’s decided to stay with her “husband” for now and honor his wishes not to speak to us. She just called to tell him it would probably be her last communication with us for a long time.