Little did I know when I set out on my polyamorous journey, I was on a journey to discover myself. Here I was fearing I was doing it because I was too needy, too needy of others, too dependent… trying to find someone else to make “us” whole… Why did I need so many boyfriends? Was I attention starved?
But now I know I was doing it for good, selfish reasons… I was doing it so I could discover that I was the one I needed. Not “I” in the individual, ego sense, but “I” as in the great “I Am”… the whole Me.
I needed to do poly so I could learn that everyone on this earth is an equal fraction of Me, so I could learn that we are all one, equal parts of the One, the Universe, “Existence” – as Osho puts it. So therefore, we need not put one other singular person – spouse, boyfriend or otherwise – on a pedestal, above the rest of humanity or existence. We need to learn INTERdependence – not COdependence or INdependence. We need to learn We are It. I needed to know Brad is not Me anymore than any other single person else is Me. I needed to dis-identify with the ego.