Fighting in Isolation

19-couple-fight-190712Just wanted to quickly complain about how much fighting sucks in the isolated, co-dependent context of monogamy. I can only imagine how much smoother fights between romantic partners would go and how much more quickly issues would be resolved in the context of a polyamorous village.

I’m sure some of you think that sounds nuts, like it would be WAY more complicated to have large group arguments, but I like to think having a whole tribe of people to consult would help balance things out.

Living in isolated coupledom, Brad and I can easily slip into destructive habits and patterns of communication. With no one to keep us in check or hold us accountable, we are less likely to use non-violent communication, less likely to own our own problems and emotions, more likely to blame each other for them, and more likely to say irrational, cruel things to each other.

With a large family of adults (not children) we would have lots of people to bounce ideas off, vent to, seek advice from, practice active listening with and to ask for help in getting our needs met.

If two partners were fighting, they’d have plenty of other partners to keep them company while they took space from each other (if they wanted company).

fighting-couple-600x399Instead, in monogamy (which is mainly what Brad and I are engaged in by default, not choice), we have two bedrooms to divide amongst ourselves – one of us gets to sleep with our daughter and the other alone. We have one business we run together and one bank account we share. We alone are responsible for our daughter, whom we couldn’t financially support if we were ever to split, trapping us together and making us resentful.

Without all the pressures of isolated coupledom, we might actually like each other more often. We might actually appreciate one another if we weren’t so dependent on one another. We might actually treat each other more kindly if we didn’t hold the “he’s (she’s) trapped, he (she) can’t go anywhere” card.

Anyway, just one more point for communal living.

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