The Loneliness of Monogamy

Ben left to go “home” for holidays yesterday. Only two days without him have reminded how lonely monogamy is. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been glad to have some alone time with Brad. He and I have actually been getting along beautifully the last couple of days. We spent all day together today – philosophizing, … [Read more…]

The Darkest Hour… I hope

It was shortly after our NVC (non-violent communication) meeting last night that I felt the rage welling up inside me. Brad and Ben and I had been sitting on the couch discussing the event that led to my last blog post – “The Hard Part.” Until yesterday morning, all Brad had expressed was anger, rage … [Read more…]

The Hard Part

I’ve noticed a pattern that the hard things in life often come right before the good things – you know “the darkest hour comes right before the dawn” kind of thing. I’m hoping that’s what’s in store for us now. The last few weeks have been kind of an emotional roller coaster. Each time there’s … [Read more…]

I’m Not Trying to Be Your Girlfriend

I think Ben thinks I’m trying to be his girlfriend, and it might be freaking him out. This blog post is my way of telling him I’m not trying to be his girlfriend, because I’m too immature to tell him directly. You might be thinking he and I are terrible at communicating. We are. We’ve … [Read more…]

Making the Butterflies Last

Ben is the first person I’ve developed strong, ongoing, complicated feelings for since Brad and I opened up our relationship. My first “amorous” feelings since discovering poly were for Clark, an older, married man with grown children. I still think of him as an amazing, inspiring, wonderful human being, a good friend, and a long-distance … [Read more…]

I Love Everyone

Tuesday, midnight It’s true. I love everyone. I’ve been in a state of bliss all evening. I’ve reached ecstasy once already, and am expecting to reach it again shortly. There is no shortage of love in this world, only blockage of it. When a person loves a second or third person, her love for the … [Read more…]