Relationships Suck

But what sucks even more is how much I want and need them.

All the gurus say learning to love being ALONE is a prerequisite for enlightenment… so I feel like I’m failing by not loving it.

I want connection and intimacy. I’ve believed I needed to have that need met by Brad, but now I’m not so sure. Like I just said to my new trusted friend, maybe I just WANTED my need to be met by Brad, but maybe it doesn’t NEED to be met by Brad. It just would’ve been convenient if Brad were the person who could meet that need, seeing as he’s the father of my child and all.

And maybe he CAN meet that need, SOME of the time, but not ALL of the time.

I love him, and I’ll always love him. But he can’t be the thing I need him to be, ALL the time. He can’t be EVERYTHING I need at any given moment.

But he can be something to me. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Unless he wants it that way. I certainly don’t.