Life is Like Putty in My Hands

“Just two more minutes,” Brad said when I stopped scratching his back tonight.

He hadn’t said that since the old days, when I used to scratch his back to sleep every night, before nursing Nora to sleep became priority.

“Just one more minute… please…” he said  five minutes later. I scratched slower and softer, slower and softer – my own eyelids getting heavy – until he was asleep, or too tired to complain about me stopping.

“Damn it!” I said in my head. “I’m going to fall asleep and forget all the amazing epiphanies I’m having again. I can never remember the brilliant things my subconscious tells me by the time I regain consciousness.”

But I forced myself to get out of bed and write this post.

13714357_10157292770390106_816478632_nI feel like I’m sleep typing now, but June says, “just get it out,” because I won’t remember it in the morning. I never do. (June’s here, writing next to me, like we’re straight out of the diaries of Anais Nin.)

I just promised I’d catch up on her new blog when I’m done with mine. She started it a few days before moving in with me, and a few weeks after moving out of her boyfriend’s house. (Boyfriend isn’t quite the right word. Soulmate is more appropriate. He is the Great Love of her life so far. We’ll call him Johnny. Ha! Johnny and June! So appropriate!)

Man… this is a long story… I’m going to have to skip the middle and save it for tomorrow.

Long story short, June has become my current best friend. (I’m just realizing I’ve had a new best friend for each chapter of my life.)

And she lives with us. She moved in yesterday. And she’s still here today 🙂

I can’t think of the right words to describe the last couple of weeks since she came back into our world, but “whirlwind” comes to mind.

June is the greatest gypsy since Anais Nin’s June… and like Anais, I’ve asked myself many times over the last year and a half whether I can trust her. Until recently, she’s seemed so whimsical, intangible, like a nymph… but in the last couple of weeks, I’ve been able to grasp her, to see her, the real her.

spectacular-spring-nymphSince falling hard in love with Johnny, she’s dropped the mysterious act  and lifted the veil. She made herself vulnerable. In six days, she’s cried in front of me more times than I’ve cried in front of Brad in six years.

She’s made me laugh harder than I’ve laughed in a long time and made me too busy living life for the last two weeks to find time to write about it. You don’t have time to write about life, when you’re actually living it.

Sorry, distracted again. My other occasional lover/annoying-brother-figure Ben just entered the living room at 2 am and is now sleeping on my lap. He just got done vomitting and is in need of some comfort before the next round…

Anyway, before I tell you the full story of June (I’ll tell it tomorrow), I want to quickly tell the story of my night with Brad (because now Ben is being vulnerable, swallowing his pride and admitting that he would like me to come lay in his bed with him and rub his back. )

Long story short, Brad cut our evening of socializing as a foursome (in the strictly platonic sense of the word) short (or maybe I cut it short) when he misinterpreted one of my comments as pressuring him into a foursome in the sexual sense.

“Well, time for me to go to bed,” he said. I gave him a few minutes of space and then came in to talk to him.

It only took me a few blah, blah, blahs to realize what he needed was not to be talked at. He needed to be listened to and heard. It’s not necessarily that he needed me to hear his literal words, but the emotions and needs beneath the words. He needed to be appreciated, and paid attention to, and loved.

13598998_10157240044270106_1293397196_nThe more I listened and told him he was right, the more he opened up and was vulnerable.

At first, he wouldn’t talk. Said he didn’t trust me because I always write everything in a blog…. (oops).

But as the listening and empathizing and unconditional, relentless loving went on, he continued to soften and warm up. He rolled out of his shell toward me and invited me onto his chest, and then…

“Like putty in my hands,” I winked at June, who was still typing in the living room, after Brad fell asleep.

Man… got to finish this in the morning… good night!

I hope this evening wasn’t all “just a dream” 😉

Next Day

Long story short, everything in my life is perfect right now!

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