Cervical Orgasms, Circumcision and Ableism

A couple of years ago I started having my first intense, long-lasting, cervical orgasms. It was during intercourse with a man with a partially restored foreskin. While I know there were several other factors at play, I have since determined the partial foreskin was a significant one.

Sex coach Kim Anami describes the difference between clitoral and cervical orgasms as follows:

“A clitoral orgasm has a definitive build, a clear climax with pelvic contractions, and then a feeling of descent. It’s similar to a penile orgasm [a typical circumcised penile orgasm, I would guess].

A cervical orgasm is more along the lines of what we call in Tantra a ‘full-body orgasm,’ or an expanded orgasm. Meaning, the build is less linear. While there is an increase of pleasure, rather than it being focused in the clitoris, you feel that spread all over your body and then explode into waves you feel from your head to your toes. This can feel like pleasurable tingling and vibrations throughout your whole body and being, and can keep going for hours, as opposed to a clitoral orgasm, which typically lasts for seconds.

If the clitoris is like climbing a mountain, the cervix (and the G-spot for that matter) is like scaling a series of rolling hills. You get to the top of one, then you have a brief plateau, then you climb another, then have a plateau, etc.

The cervix is the reflexology point for the heart. Stimulating it will cause very intense feelings of love and spiritual transcendence. It’s like taking the feelings you have when you first fall in love, and multiplying that by 10 … You feel like you are floating and in extreme bliss. The effects can last for hours and even days.”

Needless to say, once I’d had this type of orgasm, I couldn’t settle for anything less.  A 5-t0-10-second jolt of electricity narrowly focused in my clitoris could no longer satisfy me, and in retrospect, it never did.

I remember the frustration I used to experience masturbating in my teens and 20s. No matter how much “foreplay” I gave myself, the climax was always the same – quick and over. I was always left longing for something more, something deeper.

As a super sexually repressed Christian, I didn’t own any sex toys, but one time I was so desperate I tried to create my own by cutting off the rough tip of a banana. It reached what I now know to be the cervix and stimulated it briefly, but not in the way I was hoping for.

I instinctively knew sex was supposed to be much more, more than I’d experienced by myself or with my first two boyfriends. I knew it was supposed to be a transcendent, spiritual experience. I thought maybe I hadn’t found it because I hadn’t found a good, Christian husband to “become one with.”

Now I know at least part of the reason I wasn’t having this experience is thanks to the Christian God’s supposed commandment to cut off a vital male sex organ at birth — the foreskin.

Contrary to what you’ve been told, the foreskin is much more than “a tiny flap of skin.” It is 12-15 square inches of erogenous tissue, with tens of thousands of nerve endings, that protects the head of the penis and acts as a gliding mechanism during sex. Without it sex becomes an entirely different experience for both the man and woman, an inevitably diminished experience.

I’ve recently learned that circumcision is a major factor in the inability of 75 percent of American women to orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex alone, and a probable factor in America’s high divorce rate, which is twice as high as in Europe, where they don’t circumcise (not that I’m an advocate of marriage).

The handicap of circumcision can be compensated for and overcome, but first we have to acknowledge it’s a handicap.

Circumcision is a handicap

There’s this new buzzword “ableism” going around lately. I’ve been accused of being an “ableist” for both my recent obsession with cervical orgasms (apparently I’m hurting the feelings of women who supposedly “can’t” have them, just by saying they are life-changing) and for naming circumcision as one of the main culprits in women’s inability to have these orgasms (apparently I’m hurting the feelings of men who think I am blaming them as people, rather than the horrible crime that was committed against them at birth).

When I first wrote about how awesome cervical orgasms are, I was surprised by how many men came rushing to “protect” their women from my “meanness.”

One man messaged me saying: “It’s inappropriate to state that women can achieve something that is medically impossible for the large majority of them. It’s a form of shaming. And it hits women and men both.”

I’m still not sure what he meant by “medically impossible,” but I suspect it means something along the lines of “I’ve never been able to give a woman one.” Or maybe he honestly thought this was an impossibility, since it’s been the experience of so many American women.

But I’ve watched countless men (and women) become defensive about the simple assertion that circumcision negatively affects sex. My guess is they think there’s nothing that can be done to reverse the problem, and it makes men feel inadequate, so let’s just not talk about it.

But there are things that can be done to alleviate the harm circumcision has caused! Lots of things! While foreskin restoration seems like it would have the biggest impact (perhaps along with somatic therapy), there are as many creative ways to give and receive sexual pleasure and orgasmic bliss as we can imagine.

But… we’re not going to know we need to seek out alternatives or supplements to circumcised penis-in-vagina sex if we don’t acknowledge there’s a problem. The men will just keep banging away harder and harder, exhausting themselves in a fruitless effort to satisfy women who can never be satisfied that way, while only ever experiencing quick, shallow orgasms themselves.

Would you say to a man who lost his leg in a war – oh, you’re fine, don’t let anyone shame you into thinking there’s anything wrong with you, you can walk just as good as anyone else – or would you help him acquire a prosthetic leg and gain back his ability to walk for real?

Not acknowledging circumcision as a sexual handicap is actually the ableist point of view. Men who were forcibly circumcised at birth are victims and should be recognized as such. Their sex partners are also victims if they haven’t learned to overcome the handicap as a couple. Intact men and their partners have a significant privilege/advantage when it comes to their chances of blissfully orgasmic sex.

If you refuse to acknowledge circumcision as a handicap and foreskin as a privilege, you are the ableist.

Some say I’m invalidating women who say external, clitoral orgasms are the bee’s knees. I’m not. If you’re content with brief, external orgasms, more power to you.

But I’m not content. I’ve experienced deeper, cervically centered orgasms that last way longer and have created 24+ hours of other-worldly bliss. And I’m dying to experience more of them. And it’s hard for me to do that very often because of circumcision. That makes me a victim. If you say I’m not, you’re invalidating my experience, and the experience of the men in my life who’ve had to work super hard to overcome their handicaps.

 

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5 Comments

  1. Vicky

    So I get what you’re saying, I do, and if you only plan on sleeping with men the rest of your life, then I can see how this could be a possible concern, but my first cervical orgasm was had with a woman. No penises involved, no toys even. Just me and my future wife, and her amazing hands and mouth (not to be too vulgar). Now that’s not to say that your entire argument is invalid and people shouldn’t be aware of what circumcision does to a guy and how it affects them, but to say you’ll “never” reach a cervical orgasm with a man if he isn’t uncut is just untrue. The fun part of sex and partnership is learning each other’s bodies and what works well for providing them pleasure. If you just “wham bam thank you ma’am” and expect some miracle explosion of sexual pleasure, it’s very rare that you’ll actually get it. But if you take the time to explore each other’s bodies, use more than just his penis, you can have extremely fulfilling sex all the time. Try building up with oral or hands, and then finishing with an angle that hits the G spot. Or go back and forth between it, creating those plateaus yourself (in the kink world it’s called edging). Learn your lover’s body and you can make it sing any time you touch it. Communication is the true key to awesome, mind blowing, liberating sex, not a man’s foreskin or lack there of.

    • Matt

      Very interesting comment and point of view. I an uncut male of average size and a commited lover. I can say that the biggest and longer lasting orgasms we are able to make her achieve are attained by mixing oral, penile, toys and masturbation. My partner say that my average uncut penis gives her sensation that her ex’s bigger and cut penis BUT she also says that the bigger and uncut gave her sensations I can’t provide with my body alone. The good part about that is I am able to give my gf the same sensations she had with her bigger and uncut ex simply using toys. She also says that no toys can provide the sensation she can get while copulating with me inside her…

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