Calling Brad’s Bluff

Brad said he wanted me to move out this morning. It’s about the dozenth time he’s played this game, so I have little doubt he’ll change his mind in the next 24 hours, but this time I’m going to call his bluff.

Ever since my friend Amy gave me the good advice of calling Ben’s bluff (click here to access this secret post) a couple of weeks ago, I’ve decided to make calling people’s bluffs a new theme in my life. I’m taking people at their word. No more saying what you don’t mean, and not saying how you really feel. No more of this one foot in and one foot out. I don’t have time for that anymore.

If Ben says he doesn’t love me, his loss. If Brad says he doesn’t want me around, I’m gone.

I’m done playing games. I’m done trying read minds. From now on, people in my life – say what you want and say it directly, because I’m taking you at your word… Not your body language, not the look in your eyes, not my wishful thinking.

Brad told me a while ago that he doesn’t think he’s ever been “in love” with anyone in his life. I chose not to believe him. I chose to believe he just had a fanciful idea of what “falling in love” was supposed to look like. He loved me as a family and a best friend. I told myself that was enough. It was better than the passionate, fatal attraction that had crushed me so many times before.

But it wasn’t enough. I need fatal attraction. I need consistency and long-term relationships, but I need to fall in love and have my heart broken, again and again, as many times as I need to, to learn whatever I need to learn in this life.

I thought I could do that while holding onto my best friend, Brad, but says he can’t handle it.
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I thought Ben and I were falling in love, (click here to access this secret post) but he denies it. He holds on to the fairy tale that you can only really be “in love” with one person, so he clings desperately the memory of a woman who put his heart through a meat grinder and continues to torture him to this day, rather than risk it happening all over again with another woman.

The bottom line is, these men don’t have the capacity for true love, which as Teal Swan defines it is “including the other in your definition of self.”

I have to move on and find someone(s) who does. I owe it to myself, and to Brad and Ben.

It’s going to be excruciating at first, but I know in the long run, it’ll be miraculously life-changing. It will mark the “beginning” of my metamorphosis.

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