Focusing on Myself

I just remembered Brad’s on a date with a new woman. He’s been gone almost three hours now, and I just realized it. I consider that progress. In the past I’ve been anxious from the moment he starts getting ready to the moment he tells me the whole story the next day. But little by … [Read more…]

Calling Brad’s Bluff

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Brad said he wanted me to move out this morning. It’s about the dozenth time he’s played this game, so I have little doubt he’ll change his mind in the next 24 hours, but this time I’m going to call his bluff. Ever since my friend Amy gave me the good advice of calling Ben’s … [Read more…]

Caring Less… Breaking Free

Brad just disappeared, after we’ve been fighting all day. I’m trying not to care, and my not caring act almost feels genuine. I mean why the fuck would I care? Where could he possibly be that it would matter? He’s home now, I think, and I’m almost disappointed he’s back. Maybe he isn’t. Doesn’t matter. … [Read more…]

Why I Can’t Leave

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I guess it basically comes down to fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of losing the familiar. Fear of hurting him. Fear of being alone. Fear of hurting my daughter. Fear of losing my identity. Fear of freedom. Because, my friend was right – it’s easier to be a slave. I’m a really well-treated slave… … [Read more…]

Torn

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I’m letting my desire burn me into the ground, as I heard my guru’s friend say one time. It’s not often I deny myself sexual satisfaction by giving up too easily on pursuing one of my lovers. But tonight one of those lovers – Ben – has expressed to me that I’ve crossed his boundaries … [Read more…]